The Ache of Abandonment


Abandonment, whether it’s physical or emotional, is like being swallowed by a sinkhole. It is indeed the primary wound through which other wounds may enter – shame, guilt, rejection, control and fear. And, as a result, Satan’s minions enter in to torment the afflicted and the neglected!

There are two kinds of wounds, A and B. “A wounds” are those things that were done to us – hurtful words, even physical wounds or molestation. “B wounds” are those things we should have received – love, hugs, acknowledgment, praise, comfort, care, being held for long periods of time as children so our spirit man could be revived, loved on and healed. “B wounds” are worse than “A wounds.”

Isaiah captures what happens when we’re abandoned. Although this was written about physical Israel, spiritually speaking, when we’re abandoned, we’re in much the same condition – trapped, hidden and locked away from life:

19 Who is blind but My servant [Israel]? Or deaf like My messenger whom I send? Who is blind like the one who is at peace with Me [who has been admitted to covenant relationship with Me]? Yes, who is blind like the Lord’s servant?v20 You have seen many things, but you do not observe or apprehend their true meaning. His ears are open, but he hears not!21 It was the Lord’s pleasure for His righteousness’ sake [in accordance with a steadfast and consistent purpose] to magnify instruction and revelation and glorify them.

22 But this is a people robbed and plundered; they are all of them snared in holes and hidden in houses of bondage. They have become a prey, with no one to deliver them, a spoil, with no one to say, Restore them! 23 Who is there among you who will give ear to this? Who will listen and hear in the time to come? (Isa. 42:19-23)

Abandonment is like being robbed and plundered, as we find ourselves in a “deep hole” or a “house of bondage.” Many years ago, the Lord spoke to me and said, “Abandonment IS THE house of bondage.” At that time, I had several dreams in which I was trapped in old houses with no way to leave! In one dream, I found myself in an empty warehouse. In the warehouse, there was an evangelist I knew who had musical instruments coming out of his body, and although I was the only person in the warehouse, he never once looked at me or acknowledged my presence. This is what the feeling of abandonment is like — feeling alone and overlooked with no one to turn to!

Note that in the Isaiah passage people are trapped in holes and caves, but there is no one to say to them, “come out!” They/we are a prey with no one to seek us out to deliver us from this state. According to this passage, these are people who have a covenant relationship with the Lord, but they see nor hear not! They are spiritual deaf and blind!

These people are looking for inner healers and deliverers, but only those who understand and discern these wounds can help them! Then, they, the healers, with the authority of the Lord Jesus, can say to them, “I see that wound in you, and it is time for you to be restored!”

The Signs of Abandonment

Abandonment, which is accompanied by shame, fear and control, has a few telltale signs. It’s people who are or have been:

  • Chronically ignored by someone you love, especially a father, mother or husband/wife.
  • Left alone, with no one to help, especially by those who should love you.
  • Having to take care of yourself all alone and not feeling able to trust anyone, including God.
  • Had thoughts of having been left alone by God.
  • Forsaken by a parent or guardian.
  • Adopted.
  • Been a scape goat.
  • Left to fend for yourself by those in authority.

Abandonment leaves a gaping hole inside us that nothing can seem to touch. The Holy Spirit wants to flow through our spirit like a mighty, gushing river, but the emptiness inside prevents that needed loving empathy from occurring, so we “fake it ‘til we make it.”

Rejection comes alongside abandonment as wrecking ball to shatter hopes of being received and loved.

Signs of the Spirit of Rejection:

Definition of Rejection- the act of throwing away,

  • Subsequent to feeling/being abandoned.
  • Feeling you don’t belong.
  • Feelings of unworthiness, no value.
  • Feelings of uselessness.
  • Not feeling loved or accepted.
  • Feeling you & your needs are not important
  • Feeling you’re not good enough.
  • Hounded by the fear of man
  • Living as a perfectionist
  • Driven to perform to be loved.

The Healing of the Cross

Thank God for a new house! Once the old house of abandonment is demolished by getting it to the cross, the new house, which was there after we are born again, arises, built on the truth and loving principles of God. As we are healed, we are free to experience the loving kindness of the Lord, His favor and the enjoyment of His Spirit! Like Jonah, we are spewed out of the belly of the whale (see Jonah 2) into a new place of freedom in God! God promises He will never leave (abandon) us, no matter how we feel or what we have done. His grace is sufficient!

Do you have feelings of abandonment? Do you have a never-ending sense of shame, guilt and a desire to hide yourself away? There is help, but you must seek it from a man or woman of God who can lead you to freedom in the power of God. Begin by praying the following prayer:

Prayer for Deliverance from Abandonment and Rejection

Father God, I thank you for being so kind and loving to me your child. Help me to Know and Believe Your LOVE for me. I have recognized that I have been living under the spirits of abandonment and rejection, and I need hope of being free. Help me see where abandonment issues began, to express our emotions rightly, and to forgive those who abandoned me. Help me confess my pain to You, and please heal my broken heart. Bless me to hear words from You that I may never have heard from my parents or those who took care of me. Let me hear You say: “I love you. I am proud of you. I am glad you were born. You are my cherished child.” Father, I am seeking You. I want to be more intimate with You, and I am determined to follow You. Set me free from spirits of abandonment and rejection in Jesus’ Name. Free me, Lord, so I can love and glorify You in my life with a healthy inner self. In Jesus’ Name I pray. Amen.

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