The [reverent] fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever; the ordinances of the Lord are true and righteous altogether. More to be desired are they than gold, even than much fine gold; they are sweeter also than honey and drippings from the honeycomb. Moreover, by them is Your servant warned (reminded, illuminated, and instructed); and in keeping them there is great reward (Psalm 19:9-11 Amplified).
Like the old Clint Eastwood “spaghetti western,” soul ties come in three categories: the good, the bad and the ugly.
First, there are good soul ties or healthy ones that are based on mutual love and respect and true submission to one another in the fear of Christ. Husband-wife, parent–child, etc., are examples. The major cornerstone of this kind of relationship is agape love, God’s unconditional sacrificial love to us, and our learning of, receiving and growing in this so we may share this love with others.
Soul ties can also be found in strong or close friendships. They are not just limited to marriage, as we can see with King David and Jonathan:
1 Samuel 18:1, “And it came to pass, when he had made an end of speaking unto Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.”
The positive effect of a soul tie
In a godly marriage, God links the two together, and the Bible tells us that they become one flesh. As a result of their becoming one flesh, they are bound together, and they will cleave to one another in a unique way. The purpose of this cleaving is to build a very healthy, strong and close relationship between a man and a woman.
Matthew 19:5, “And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh.”
The Bad: the negative effect of a soul tie
However, unhealthy soul ties can bring great bondage in an individual’s life if not dealt with. A soul tie is like a linkage in the soul realm between two people. It links their souls together, which can bring about both pleasure and a great deal of pain during or after the relationship.
Soul ties can also be used for Satan’s advantage because soul ties formed from sex outside of marriage defiles those involved:
Genesis 34:2-3, “And when Shechem the son of Hamor the Hivite, prince of the country, saw her, he took her, and lay with her, and defiled her. And his soul cleaved unto Dinah the daughter of Jacob, and he loved the damsel, and spoke kindly unto the damsel.”
Second Corinthians 7:1 exhorts us to “cleanse ourselves from all that defiles flesh and spirit”:
Therefore, since these [great] promises are ours, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from everything that contaminates and defiles body and spirit, and bring [our] consecration to completeness in the [reverential] fear of God (Amp).
Two chief ways we become defiled in spirit are from dabbling in the occult (knowingly or unknowingly) and sex outside the marriage covenant.
This is why it is so common for a person to still have “feelings” toward an ex-lover that they have no right to or should not be to attracted to. Even 20 years down the road, a person may still think of their first lover (or more)… even if he or she is lives across the country and has his or her own family, all because of a soul tie! Emotional soul ties are a powerful part of this union, and the reason so many married people still dream often or think of this person rather than of their mate.
This kind of story is all-too familiar.
“I was on a flight, travelling out of the country and seated beside me was a young man who initiated conversation related to my laptop. Long before I knew it, he began to open up about his life and even more so after he found that I was an evangelist. He mentioned to me about how he would wake in the middle of the night thinking of his girlfriend and then when he would go online, she would be waiting for him. He was overwhelmed with thoughts of her and was struggling with his studies.
He went on to explain that it was because she said that they were soul mates. Soon this girl began to control him, and when I met him on the flight he was almost being tormented. We then discovered the roots of the issue to be the covenant or soul tie he had formed with her. The Lord allowed me to minister to him in that capacity.”
Here’s another scenario:
Through a chat room on the Internet, a woman met a man with whom she was convinced would “meet her needs.” After agreeing to meet in a hotel in a specified city, she decided to leave her husband and three children for this exciting stranger. Her decision was made six hours after that first meeting.
People can have a powerful influence over us; they can either bless us or curse us; they can help us in our quest for good, or they can compel us to do evil. Some are masters of manipulation and have mastered the art of controlling those who would be their friends.
Many of these destructive relationships are formed quite innocently; others come about through crafty design and seduction. If we do not understand the bonding process, we will never be able to comprehend how people can reject proven relationships to plunge into a relationship that is guaranteed to end in disaster.
Soul ties are just the remains of our yet unsanctified self that God does not want you to carry into your destiny because it can inhibit the work of the Holy Spirit who desires to sanctify you, and lead you into all that God has for you.
If we remain in these relationships, particularly where sex is involved – and we know it’s wrong – we are, quite simply, in rebellion to God:
So any person who knows what is right to do but does not do it, to him it is sin (Jas 4:17 Amp).
There are seven Greek words for sin in the New Testament. The one used here is “hamartema,” which means, “sin as act.” This is particularly detrimental to the Christian who knows what is right in the eyes of God but chooses to ignore it. This is a form of rebellion.
Galatians warns us that we will reap what we sow (Gal. 6:7).
Traits of soul ties in relationships
You will find this kind of bondage in a lot of relationships that are outside the will of God. There is an unusual desire by one person to spend all their money on the other person to try to please them. If they are insecure and extremely needy, they will do this to try to “keep” the person tied to them. Fear of rejection leads to obsession that can get out of control!
When there is a soul tie in relationships outside marriage, you can hear people say things like, “I can’t live without you, I can’t be happy without you,” or “I will die without you.” These relationships are not based on the Holy Spirit’s love, peace and joy. These kinds of soul ties can lead to body ties, resulting in a physical relationship (sometimes possibly even with the same gender.)
The (Very) Ugly: enter the demonic
The Bible is clear on this matter. Having sex outside the marriage covenant invites evil spirits to join in the relationship:
God honored the Master’s body by raising it from the grave. He’ll treat yours with the same resurrection power. Until that time, remember that your bodies are created with the same dignity as the Master’s body. You wouldn’t take the Master’s body off to a whorehouse, would you? I should hope not. There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, “The two become one.” Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never “become one.” There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for “becoming one” with another. Or didn’t you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don’t you see that you can’t live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body (1 Cor. 6:15-20 The Message).
God blessed sex in marriage
God created and blessed sex as part of the marriage covenant to unify the union between marriage partners. If we enter into a sexual relationship outside marriage, we share what’s in the other person. In other words, when the two have sex, what’s in the other will enter into his or her partner. Because of this, evil spirits of lust, control, fear and other forms of bondage are allowed to have their way. I once counseled a man who said he felt “dirty” each time he had sex with his wife. God showed me he was defiled by her previous sexual relationship with another man. I broke this defilement off him, and he later confessed to me he felt dirty no more.
The world’s idea: “If you love someone or are committed to them, sex with them is okay.”
This is a very common belief, even among Christians, but the Word of God offers no such philosophy or rationalization for sex outside the marriage covenant. A Christian guy once jokingly told me, “My girl friend and I looked for loopholes in the Scripture about having sex out of marriage, but we couldn’t find any!”
God doesn’t bless ungodly sex. The emotional and physical pleasure is all you get, and not God’s blessing because He won’t bless sin. Jesus put it this way:
So every good tree produces good fruit, but a bad tree produces bad fruit. A good tree is not able to produce bad fruit, neither a bad tree to produce good fruit (Matt. 7:17-18 Aramaic Bible in Plain English).
“Before you buy a car, you’d better drive it first”
This is sound advice when it comes to cars but not your potential marital partner. Can you understand why so many marriages fail because the sacred covenant has been violated in the attempt to “try it out” with someone? Not long ago, I ministered to a man who had been with 80 different partners, both men and women! But, hey, people, “Jesus paid it all!” His death on the cross and the Blood He shed were enough to wash away every sin committed by the vilest of us! This man confessed and forsook them all, and I used the sword of the Spirit to cut him loose. Whether he was totally honest about his sincerity to let go of all these people, I may never know, but he confessed how clean he felt when we were done.
Soul Ties between husband & wives
Even when it is the love between a husband and wife, fervent love is born in the spirit and should not be overpowered by the soulish realm. A soulish-realm love leads to a controlling and manipulative spirit, sadly even within marriages. In these kinds of relationships, the other person is in control, and the partner is dictated to about what should be done, how they should live, etc. That spirit of control and manipulation is certainly NOT from God!
Soul Ties between parents and children
This can be seen sometimes in a parent-child relationship where parents are overly defensive about their children and do not like anyone correcting them, etc. This kind of deep, unhealthy affection doesn’t foster discipline in your child; it causes damage. There are also cases when children are given a more important place than that of the person’s spouse. This can highly be destructive. Additionally, grown-up children who refuse to marry and leave the house in order to support their parents or a widowed parent can be a form of soul tie. It creates a wrongly induced sense of responsibility.
Soul ties in close association
It is important that you are careful about who your friends are. Just as association rubs off the anointing, association can also rub off from the negative traits of the wrong person in your life. People who surround you must love God first. If you fall for someone who doesn’t love God first, you run the frightening risk of following their lead away from God, or at least into some kind of carnal walk. On the other hand, there are many examples of godly relationships in the Bible such as David and Jonathan, Elijah and Elisha, etc.
When these associations lose the fear of the Lord, they can go beyond just friendship. As a result, many families have been destroyed because of extra-marital affairs. Couples who start in close friendships may end up in sexual sin with one another (swapping) if they lose the fear of the Lord concerning their activities.
Some associations might even be packaged in a spiritual form of counseling that ultimately develops into an unhealthy relationship, if it is not well guarded. This situation is often preceded by sweet words of flattery that can lead the couple foolishly away from the real truth. It is almost as though they are begging for an ungodly soul tie to be formed, and before you know it, the situation gets out of hand, resulting into broken homes, families and hearts.
When prayer can be dangerous
There are dangers of praying alone with someone of the opposite gender. Prayer is one of the most effective forms of soul connecting. As you share problems and seek counsel, there can be a strong soul tie formed, if the boundaries are not drawn ahead of time. If not, this situation can lead to an emotional affair, or ultimately a physical one. Unfortunately, this often happens in a church relationship where the needy client or counselor is subject to their own desires that have not been met in marriage.
Extreme relationship with animals
While this can be sometimes described as love towards animals by the world, there are times when this love for a creature can become obsessive. In this case, the person detaches from the human world and spends excessive time, money and energy on these animals. Enjoying a pet is one thing, but when the pet becomes more important than human contact, it’s unhealthy.
The Fantasy World
Soul ties can also be formed with a person you are not associated with. Unusual affection for a person or a celebrity can create bondage in your life in the form of idolatry. It might start without your realization, and if you are not careful, you could open up a door to the enemy. Some people collect items that draw them close to their fantasy. From pictures to posters to magazine cutouts, you name it, and they have it. This can lead to extreme situations where the person daydreams to the point that they lose track of reality and begin to live in this fantasy world with that person. If not broken, this can even affect one’s married life. It is only the Lord that we must love with all our heart, soul, mind and strength (Mark 12:30).
Thank God for grace!
God’s unmerited favor gives us grace to receive mercy and forgiveness that can free us from soul ties. But His grace can be resisted by our pride:
“But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble” (James 4:6 KJV).
Breaking Soul Ties
It’s very important to know that when Jesus died on the cross, your old self (soul) died with Him:
We know that our old (unrenewed) self was nailed to the cross with Him in order that [our] body [which is the instrument] of sin might be made ineffective and inactive for evil, that we might no longer be the slaves of sin (Romans 6:6 Amp).
This means you can break an ungodly soul tie based on the power of Christ’s death on the cross (if you doubt your authority to do this, have a stronger brother or sister in the Lord do it for you). But before we get to how to break a soul tie…
…be forewarned: breaking a soul tie can be a “tough row to hoe”:
Breaking a soul tie can be extremely difficult because of what the relationship may have meant to the people involved. The deep satisfaction of having someone to care for you or you for them is particularly fulfilling in one sense. The need for companionship is sometimes huge! However, is this worth the cost?
If you are spiritual – that is your spirit is sensitive to God and His Holy Spirit’s displeasure because of this relationship, you will begin to sense you are losing ground with God. Your joy will wane, and shame may replace your boldness with God and others. If you continue for a lengthy time in a sinful relationship, you can become hardened toward the things of God, and your conscience will become deadened. This is indeed dangerous ground! If you are reading this, and you know what I’ve written is right and you are in an ungodly relationship and ignore the warning, you are defiling your conscience!
What to do
- Identify: It is important that you first identify where you have opened the door for the enemy to enter into your life. Say and do this:
I renounce all covenants, pacts, promises, curses and every other work of darkness to which I have been exposed or made liable by my own actions or by the actions of others. By the act and decision of my own free will, Father, in the name of Jesus,
I ask You to go to the root and dig, cut, tear and loose me from every soul-tie and from every form of bondage of my soul and body to satan, or any of his agents rather in human form or demonic form or animal form.
And Father, in the name of Jesus, I also, ask that You go to each of the above named, and at the root, dig, tear, cut and loose them from me. Take and detach me out of them, and detach them from and out of me, in Jesus name!
I choose now to present my body to the Lord, as a living sacrifice, as the scriptures recommend, and to walk in holiness as You, Lord Jesus, enable me to do so.
- Prayer Of restoration
Father God, in the name of Jesus Christ, thank you for the authority of Your Word. In the name of Jesus: I command every portion of my soul (my thoughts, my will, my emotions, my personality and mind) and heart, all of me: spirit, soul and body, that has been fragmented, torn or broken or cursed, to come back into its proper place;
…to be healed; every piece of my heart to be returned; my soul to be restored and every bondage and related soul-tie to be completely broken, destroyed and totally detached from me, in the name of Jesus!
Father God, in the name of Jesus, I ask now, that You heal my heart and guard it by Your Power and Your Love, and keep my heart and mind through Christ Jesus. Make me every which way whole…in every area of my life. I desire to live in a manner that pleases You, and brings glory to Your name.
- Confession of any remaining sins
I come before the throne of grace, Lord Jesus, and confess that I have sinned by doing _______. I now recognize that these were wrong, and I am truly sorry for them. I repent and ask Your forgiveness.
I also ask forgiveness for those whom I have wronged or abused. I forgive all those who have wronged or abused me, from birth and from this day forward I release them and myself to Your mercy and grace.
Please forgive me for all I did and wash all sin and guilt and shame and damage from me with Your blood. I accept and receive Your merciful forgiveness, and purpose in my heart (I will) do all in my power to walk in righteousness, with Your help.
Salvation prayer: for those who need it
Jesus, be Lord of my life and save me. I dedicate (re-dedicate) my life to You. Teach me how to live and not die. I believe in my heart and say with my mouth that God raised Jesus from the dead. I confess You, Jesus, as my Lord and Savior. Thank You for saving me. Fill me with Your Holy Spirit to overflowing. Thank You! Amen.
- Pray, take authority and cast Out any spirits
And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name they shall cast out demons (Mark 16:17).
In the name of Jesus, I take authority over the spirits tormenting me. You spirit (s) of ________ (name them), I command you to be broken and leave me. Come out right now, in Jesus name! Amen.
- Closing prayer confession
In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, I hereby, renounce and revoke any and all vows that I have made (intentionally or un-intentionally), with knowledge of or in ignorance.
I take back the words I spoke and said to these people: (name them) (marriage vows or any others).
I also break any soul-ties resulting from any vows I made, and take authority over any evil spirits sent to re-enforce any vows or to torment me. I command you to be broken, and to leave me right now, in Jesus name. Amen.
I am free! In Jesus name! Thank You, Lord!
Thank You, Jesus, for saving and delivering me!
Now Intercede for others:
Father God, in the name of Jesus Christ, we bind and break all witchcraft, curses, spells, and powers and through the Blood of the Lamb – destroy the works of every witch, warlock, wizard, sorcerer and all other powers of darkness.
Through the Blood of Jesus Christ, we break all their powers – including the influences of witchcraft, evil powers, spells, hexes, vexes, voodoo, hoodoo, roots, potions or any such things – off every person and on the behalf of ______________ (name them).
For them also we invoke Psalm 80:18, “So we will not go back from thee: quicken us and we will call upon thy name” so that those who read this will understand, remember and apply consistently what they read.
Through the Blood of Jesus Christ, we also bind up and destroy all their spirit-guides, helps, and shields of these workers of evil, and leave them without any strength – stripped of their evil power and influence.
In the name of Jesus Christ, and by the Blood of the Lamb, we now seal up their powers within themselves, so that they cannot use them on anyone, and that their works might be destroyed, in the hope that their souls might be saved for the glory of God. AMEN.